learning to fail

Written by Agne ☽

Hello. Let’s talk about failing.

I know I might sound arrogant, but I have always been lucky to find things pretty easy, even though I wasn’t working that hard as other people might have worked in some situations. I’ve graduated school, I got in a good university, it wasn’t hard for me to find part-time jobs.

Just after I started university, I realised that I have to work for good results. I don’t know if it was because of learning in a new language, drastic change of the environment, or maybe I wasn’t a natural genius after all??? I wasn’t shocked or unhappy about this fact, it was just difficult to learn how to learn if that makes sense. And I am still learning and pushing myself to do it.

The main change to my mindset occurred after I started looking for a job that was somehow connected to what I do at university. I started applying for such positions right after I finished my first year – ambitious, I know. It didn’t really work, but I got a project-based internship that was at least a bit more about what I enjoy, so I wasn’t worried too much -I thought that with this experience it would be easier for me to go further with my “career”.

Didn’t happen. I came back to university for the second year and worked as a waitress all year long. I was applying for jobs like crazy, but nothing worked. It then came time for searching for the internships for the summertime – I was hoping to get one in Newcastle, as I was paying my rent there anyways. I had a few interviews out of MANY applications and… I didn’t get in.

I was so mad at myself and the world for not making it! The interviews went pretty well, so I wasn’t sure what went wrong. I started blaming the recruiters for not taking me seriously because of my nationality and so on – now I see that it is ridiculous. I didn’t make it because I wasn’t good enough, and it’s not a bad thing. I was ambitious and picky – I was applying to some amazing places and the competition was high. I wasn’t there just yet. It’s good to aim high, and I’m not sorry about that.

It’s not easy! Because you want something so badly it doesn’t mean that you’re going to get it. Learning to fail is vital, especially for a young person. I think the sooner you learn it, the better, the easier it will be for you in the future.

The truth is, it’s competitive there in the real world, kiddo, and you are not that special for people who don’t know you. You have to learn to present yourself in a certain way, which I am still trying to do. Just being myself was good enough in my mind, but maybe you have to be a little bit better and show a little bit more charming version of yourself sometimes. I used to think that’s faking it, but actually – it is how things work. And it makes sense in the world as we currently know it.

I got an internship in my home country, at amazing communications agency and I could not be happier with the things I do here (I want to write on it after I finish). Although the benefits were much better in the UK, I have the opportunity to learn the same things, I have time to see my family and friends. It all happened for a reason? Maybe, maybe not. It doesn’t really matter because I didn’t give up. I will try again next year and keep trying until everyone will be tired of me, I promise.

I just realised that I still sound disappointed and this post might seem like one big shade on those who didn’t hire me. It’s not like that! All I am saying is that it’s okay to fail and we’re all struggling – the world doesn’t owe you anything, so just keep trying and stay ambitious. If my mom is right, everything you go through is going to be so worth it at some point. 🙂

See you soon.

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